Mac Miller’s book reveals his struggles with drugs and his true feelings about his relationship with Ariana Grande

Mac Miller felt invincible before he died.

At least that’s what the 26-year-old confessed to a close friend after his near-fatal car accident in May 2018, when he got behind the wheel of his Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen after a night of drinking. and plowed the luxury car upside down against a pole.

One would assume that Miller, born Malcolm James McCormick, would be devastated by such close contact with death. But friends of the rapper said he appeared almost exhausted from the accident and felt both confused and invigorated by his actions.

Miller admitted he didn’t know why he pressed the pedal on a corner that night, but at the same time he had an inexplicable feeling of being untouchable.

“I don’t know why I did that, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,” Miller told a friend, smoking a cigarette intensely. “I just felt invincible.”

It wasn’t until four months after the accident that Miller was found dead by his assistant at his Los Angeles home after an accidental drug overdose, which a toxicology report said was due to a mixture of cocaine mixed with fentanyl, as well as alcohol.

Miller’s idiosyncratic take on the car accident stuck with, or rather haunted, his close friends after his death. It was a moment many remembered with author Paul Cantor, whose bio Stupidest: The Extraordinary Life of Mac Miller, will be released on January 18, the day before the rapper turns 30.

Writing the book wasn’t easy for Cantor, a veteran music journalist whose bylines have appeared in rolling Stone, Die New York Times, handsome, billboard, and XXL. He’s been a fan of Miller’s since day one, almost literally, since a publicist at Miller’s prospective record label, Cantor, sent in a clip of the young rapper’s early music to ask his opinion.

Agreeing that Miller deserved a chance, Cantor watched the Pittsburgh MC’s profile rise among the ranks of hip-hop’s biggest names over the years. The two have even crossed paths a few times. As a fan, Miller’s sudden death caught Cantor, like the rest of the world, off guard. But it wasn’t just the writing that Cantor found difficult, as he also faced great opposition from Miller’s family, who not only refused to be interviewed but publicly criticized him in a family statement and encouraged the rapper’s fans to read the book avoid.

This isn’t the first time Miller’s family has openly denounced a project that touches on the rapper’s legacy. In July, her brother Miller McCormick fumed over a report that Machine Gun Kelly would be starring in a film about a “troubled musician in his last days” based on Miller’s life. The project was originally titled “Good News,” apparently taken from Miller’s track of the same name from his posthumous album. circles. Shortly after the film was announced, McCormick tweeted, “Fuck you, fuck your movie, at least change the title.” (It should be noted that the family is supporting Mac’s book: In memory of Mac Miller, which was released in October and focused mostly on the artistry of Miller’s albums.)

While Cantor admitted in an interview with The Daily Beast that the rejection hurt the family, ultimately he wasn’t deterred. “Contrary to what was said about this book, I actually had a lot of support,” he said. “I had a lot of support from the people around him. Your support is actually one of the reasons I even sued him. If they hadn’t supported me from day one, I probably wouldn’t have. But they were, and that motivated me.

“One of his closest friends, I remember very well, said when we were actually talking about this particular subject, ‘His story belongs to the world.'”

“One of his closest friends, I remember very well, said when we were actually talking about this particular subject, ‘His story belongs to the world.'”

The result is a glimpse into Miller’s life through the eyes of his friends and industry peers, chronicling the musician’s journey as he quickly rose through the ranks from high school hobbyist to real star — someone who could call John Mayer for a guitar. Riff on her latest track, holding a smitten Ariana Grande on her arm.

And for those looking for salacious details about Miller’s relationship with Grande, they’ll have to read elsewhere, as Cantor avoids invoking tabloid-style coverage of their nearly two-year romance. The couple had a high-profile relationship, largely due to Grande’s pop star status, and she was a rock for Miller, as the book reveals he was in rehab for about three weeks in 2016, with Grande making multiple visits to the facility.

During their relationship, when Miller struggled to stay sober, there were times when he was MIA and Grande worried about his safety and called his friends to try and find out his whereabouts. On the other hand, Miller supported Grande after the 2017 Manchester Arena bombing and returned to the venue for her One Love Manchester concert to sing her hit duet “The Way” together.

Media interest only seemed to pick up after the two split in early May 2018, when Grande quickly moved on Saturday night live comedian Pete Davidson later this month. When Miller was arrested for drunk driving after an accident with his car shortly after the announcement of Grande’s new adventure, fans were quick to heavily accuse him of pushing him over the edge. .

Cantor said it was obvious that what Miller and Grande had together was real and profound, but after their relationship there was an element of projection in terms of the public’s acceptance of how Miller felt about the Grande’s relationship with Davidson .

“I think there was definitely something real about the moment they were together,” Cantor explained. “You can see from the plots explored in the book that it was real. So, to his credit, I don’t think he ever said anything about it other than that it was real. was a relationship that was good while it lasted. He wanted to give her the dignity he deserved.

“Narration was aired about his relationship that may not have been 100% accurate,” Cantor continued. “He became a bit of a tabloid version of himself, and that wasn’t the point. He is a very deep person and he has put a lot of his life into his work. What’s that line: ‘It’s easy to write, just open a vein and bleed?’ I mean he bled, it’s all over his music.

“He became a bit of a tabloid version of himself, and that wasn’t the point. He is a very deep person and he has put a lot of his life into his work. What’s that line: ‘It’s easy to write, just open a vein and bleed?’ I mean he bled, it’s all over his music.

“I think it felt like it was over [their relationship], and he was taking care of himself and trying to be on track within the confines of what he was dealing with at the time.

But the book delves into Miller’s substance abuse problems, with Cantor saying each source deliberately raised the issue. “I’ve never asked anyone about drug use,” he said. “It’s something that other people have addressed. I was talking to people for two hours before any of this came up – they wanted to talk about it. “Well, we have to talk about that,” and then I often let the topic go where it wants to go.

Miller’s friends have long worried about the amount of drugs and alcohol he used and the childish zeal with which he tried everything from being slim to ecstasy.

For many, using Miller, though extreme, was part of the lifestyle and often aided their creativity in making music. Others thought he wasn’t really addicted to drugs but suffered from bulimia. Miller himself even said he doesn’t consider himself a drug addict and said rolling Stone in August 2018, a month before his death: “Did I do drugs? Yes. But am I addicted to drugs? No.”

But even though Miller and his friends called its use binging, it still reached dangerous levels. His longtime DJ, Clockwork, told Cantor that the rapper’s drug use hit an all-time high while he was making his 2014 mixtape. faces. “I thought he could die any day,” he recalls. “I had never seen anyone make this ham. I’ve seen Bruh take enough medication for the average person to overdose.

It was difficult to assess what Miller was going through before he died. Many of his friends, including Grande, alluded to the demons he was secretly fighting. (“He was the best person ever and he didn’t deserve the demons he had,” she said Mode in 2019.)

But nobody could see exactly what sent Miller into a downward spiral. Depression? A fake story about his grief? Imposter Syndrome? The Pressure of Fame? Was he just caught up in the insane, never-ending partying life of a young superstar? Maybe it was all these little demons curled up into a gigantic gargoyle that sat perpetually on Miller’s shoulder.

Each of his friends offered a different perspective on the situation, but one thing seemed clear: Miller intended to push the envelope. Musically, his album explored new themes such as grief and mental health struggles to swim, published a month before his death. (Miller had plans for a companion album, circles, which was eventually published posthumously in 2020.)

For Cantor, the book wasn’t about getting the sensational details of Miller’s life and struggles, but about sharing an honest and candid description of the man – who he was, what he stood for and the legacy he left behind.

“I’ve done my best to respect life, I can’t change the facts,” he said. “But I can look under the hood [and] really trying to illustrate something deeper about someone. If I do and someone votes [the book] and feeling like they felt closer to that person and it makes them want to revisit their music or discover it for the first time and really try to contextualize and understand who that person really was, me feel like i did what i did set out on the path.

Mac Miller’s reference book reveals his struggles with drugs and his true feelings about his relationship with Ariana Grande, first appearing on The Daily Beast.

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